If It Weren't My Life, It Would Be A Sitcom

Today I had to travel to Calgary, Canada for business. I cleared security in Fargo, got on my flight to Denver, and sat back and relaxed for the 2-hour flight. As soon as I turned my phone on on landing in Denver, my niece called. She said "don't you need a passport to go to Canada"? I said "yes, I have it".

"No, you don't", she replied. "United just called and said they found it in Fargo's airport."

Lots of expletives came to mind, but I was still sitting on board an airplane, so I politely thanked her for the information and hung up. When I got off the plane, United confirmed to me, that yes indeed you need a passport to go to Canada, and so rebooked me back to Fargo.

Another trip to United to ask - "could they put the passport on the next flight to Denver, and if so, can I still make it to Calgary tonight"?

Thanks to the good people of Fargo, and United Airlines, I got my passport and got on a later flight to Calgary. Upon arrival in Canada, I cleared customs and immigration and went to the phones to call my hotel shuttle.

"You don't have a reservation with us, and we're sold out", I was told by the Hampton Suites.

"But I do - I'll get the confirmation number and call you back".

So I called the travel agency, and nice man in India told me that yes, I do have a reservation for tonight at the Hampton Suites, and here is the confirmation number.

"Aha", I thought. "I'll show them", calling the Hampton Suites back.

"Aha", said the front desk agent. Your reservation is for the 21st of September, not 21st of August.

(More expletives inserted here).

"Here's the number for the Best Western. Good luck".

So I called the Best Western.

"You're in luck - we have rooms available at a very good rate!" Just give me your credit card number and we'll send the shuttle for you."

So after giving them my info, they sent me a limo desk for the shuttle. The girl behind the desk was maybe 17, not wearing a bra, and was obviously very proud of her endowments, which jiggled with every keystroke she typed. She didn't look at me, ask my name, or anything - just told me to go sit in the chairs and she'd call me.

So a driver came in looking for me. She claimed to know nothing about it. Then she remembered. When he asked where he was to take me, the girl behind the counter said "Airport something, I don't know". I know about this conversation because he related it to me on the way to the hotel. He still didn't know which hotel he was supposed to take me to, but I had told my coworkers to pick me up at the Best Western Port of Call. So he dropped me there...only to find out that I had made the booking at the other Best Western. I was done in, so I called the other Best Western and told them to cancel my reservation.

"But we're completely full, and we've been turning people away just to hold your room for you", they said.

"Bull****", I said, "I only booked it with you 15 minutes ago, and you had plenty of rooms then.

"We'll have to charge you for no-showing", they said. I told them how stupid their person was at the airport, and said I wasn't paying. She wouldn't let me off the damn phone! I finally hung up on her and checked in at the Port of Call.

"Ah, miss", the limo driver said.

"You can go - it's all settled now", I said.

"But the other hotel was going to give me a voucher, so you'll have to pay me for the ride".

Like I said, if it weren't my life, it would be a script for a sitcom.