Yet Another Reason to Eat Your Vegetables!

Some of the leftover food from my fridge went into my trash. My trash got full. Thursday is trash day. Thursday morning was also icy.

I woke up and thought, "if I don't get my trash to the curb this morning I'll have stinky leftover vegetables in my garage for another week". So I threw on a t-shirt and sweat pants, put on my tennies, and went to the garage to get the trash.

My driveway is very steep. It looked wet, but not icy until I stepped onto it. Holding on to two big containers on wheels (I also have a recycling cart), I started sliding down the slope.

"This is kind of fun", I thought, until I started going faster.

"This won't end well" was the final thought I had when I hit the dry patch at the end of the driveway and went flying face first into the concrete. I felt my head hit right above my left eye and bounce back up. The trash carts went flying and tipped their contents everywhere.

My first thought was how embarrassing this was...and did the neighbors see? Then I realized how hard I hit my head and hoped the neighbors saw. I gingerly got up, put the trash back into the carts, and limped back inside. I already had a goose egg the size of my fist above my left eye, and I was bleeding from two abrasions on my hands.

Knowing I couldn't get my car out of the garage and down the icy driveway, and also knowing that I might have a head injury, I decided to call 911 for an ambulance. Minutes later an ambulance and fire truck showed up at my curb, and about 10 of the cutest men ever came inside. Dang, I only bumped my head!

Their words for my injury were "impressive", and "huge goose egg". So I got to ride in the back of an ambulance for only the second time of my life. The ambulance attendant dressed my big scrape on my left hand, and told me that this was an unusual call for him. I asked him why, and he said that if had a head that looked like mine he'd be crying. Growing up in North Dakota, I guessed I learned to be stoic. Yes, my head hurt, and my hand hurt, but it could be worse dontcha know.

Almost four hours were spent at the hospital, where they did a CAT scan of my head (I am now able to offer proof that I have a brain), put neosporin on my scrapes and cuts, and mostly ignored me. After the doctor discharged me, the nurse seemed to actually see me (she mostly just asked me a lot of questions before then). She called my bump "humongous" and said "gee, that must really hurt".

The taxi driver that took me home didn't look at my face until I was almost home. The pharmacy people never did look at me. Or if they did, they pretended not to see the disfigured left side of my face.

So, in conclusion, if I had eaten my vegetables instead of throwing them away, my trash wouldn't have so full and I wouldn't have been so compelled to put it out, and I would be able to see out of two eyes tonight, instead of one (the other is swollen shut).

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!

Why You Should Eat Your Vegetables

It all started innocently enough. I cleaned out the fridge and poured leftover vegetable soup, leftover steamed veggies, and old fresh veggies into the disposal. The disposal whirred away, sending my vitamins and minerals through the pipes into the sewer system.

But then it happened. The ground up vegetables and water started to back up into my other sink. Good thing I still had that bottle of drain opener under the sink!

2 1/2 bottles of drain opener, strained muscles from using the plunger, a trip to Home Depot, and 24 hours later I finally called the plumber.

My plumber is not a "glass half full" kind of guy. Before he even looked at the sink he told me that if he had to climb on my roof it was going to cost me a lot of money. My vast knowledge of plumbing came in handy when I assured him that the clog was below the sink, not on the roof.

He took apart one area of pipe - no clog. Then another. Nothing.

I was starting to wonder if my home insurance covered a fall from a slippery roof when the plumber said "eureka". There it was - Big Bertha, hiding in the pipe right before it escaped outside the house (and to the roof?).

The plumber got his handy snake thingy out and went digging to see how far the clog went. When it finally came out, he mumbled "oh oh".

"What", I said.

"You have tree roots in your pipes", he said.

"That's bad, isn't it".

"Yep."

I told him I would take care of it eventually (I hope not), and please tell me how much I owe.

"$260.00, ma'am."

Feeling lucky, I paid the man and sent him on his way.

My dishwasher is hooked up to the same water lines as the sinks, and I started it. Guess what - all those chemicals I poured into the sinks got into the dishwasher too. And they have a CONSIDERABLE amount of detergent in them. I felt like I was in a sitcom throwing paper towels on the floor to catch the suds pouring out of the dishwasher.

While cleaning up that mess I moved the cart holding the microwave (and my cookbooks) to the side. Now I had cookbooks falling to the floor, into the suds from the dishwasher, the suds caused from the chemicals I used to clear up a clog, all because I didn't eat my vegetables.

Dream State

Since last summer, I've been taking 5-HTP, which has really helped with my mood during the day, and my sleep at night. One of the ways I know that it helps my sleep is the incredibly vivid dreams I experience every night.

Last night I dreamt about being chased by a big gray bear the size of Godzilla. I kept climbing up poles, only to be caught with the bear's big claws and dragged earthward. A couple of times I made it to the top - about 20 stories above the ground, hanging on just a telephone pole. One time in the dream my weight made the pole fall over. I was chased over and over again, and caught over and over again, only to start running again. When I finally thought I was safe, the bear showed up again. The last time, paralyzed with fear, I waited to die. To my amazement, the bear tossed a pork roast in front of me, and then rolled on the ground playfully. He just wanted to give me food!

Then I noticed the giant white panther stalking me...

The best I can figure, this dream is about my career. I'm afraid to move up, afraid I'm not doing a good job, just plain afraid. But when I confront my fears, they disappear and actually turn out to be gifts.

I'm not so sure I want to deal with the giant white panther though...

Seventy One Thousand Four Hundred

71,400. That's the number of people who lost their job today.

The Chinese year of the Ox has begun. Chinese soothsayers see a deepening recession, millions more losing their jobs, and stocks and home prices continuing to fall. That's more or less in line with what some economists are predicting, but some fortunetellers are throwing in other dire predictions — massive earthquakes, rising U.S.-Russian tensions and trouble for President Barack Obama.

Obama, born in the Year of the Ox, is taking office in a particularly bad year for his Chinese astrological sign. The ox sign is in direct conflict this year with a traditional Chinese divinity called the "God of Year," considered a bad omen. Obama also is the 44th president, a number the Chinese deem extremely unlucky, because "four" is pronounced the same as "death" in Chinese.

"The new U.S. president is not having good luck this year. His honeymoon will only be short-lived," said fortuneteller Alion Yeo, predicting Obama may even face impeachment in his first year in office. "The Year of the Ox looks slightly better and less dire than last year, but it will still be bumpy."

The Law of Attraction says you get what you put out into the universe. I'm putting out hope, faith, and a dream for a brighter future.

How to Tell if You're in Texas

1. Your storage unit comes with a few dead scorpions and a live 10-inch centipede.

2. In every gas station you will hear blaring love-sick cowboy western music over the speakers.

3. If you stop in any small town McDonald's, you will find at least one really old farmer in a cowboy hat. He might even tip his hat to you if you don't look like you just drove in from New York or California.

4. You see about 90% more Texas flags than you do American flags.

5. Everything is bigger and better.

6. THE MEXICAN FOOD ROCKS!!!!

7. There isn't a restaurant that doesn't serve jalapeños as a condiment.

8. Everybody says, "Howdy" (the informal version of "Hi") as a greeting. What else would you expect of the "Friendship State"?

9. It takes at least an hour to get anywhere you are going (and not necessarily because of traffic). If you go "a ways", you might be talking about a 3-4 hour drive (such as between Houston and Austin or Dallas and Houston).

10. If you break down, it only takes about five minutes and an ex-marine wearing a cowboy hat and driving a "Superduty, fully-loaded 350 Big Dooley" will arrive on the scene with a tow chain to assist you. He won't let you pay him for his help, either.

11. You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

12. You dress up to go shopping at the mall.

13. Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet up in the air.

14. You know that there are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no ones seen before.

15. You know that Possums will eat anything.

16. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

17. Fixinto is one word.

18. A carbonated soft drink isnt a soda, cola, or pop .. its a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. You think that Dr. Pepper is the best damn coke in the world.

19. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

20. You can drive all day and not leave the state.

How to Know if You're From Minnesota or North Dakota

1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. "Vacation" means going to Valleyfair.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. You call it "Pop" - not soda, and not Coke.
7. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
8. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
9. You know an "off-sale" is.
10. You bring a hot dish to funerals, church suppers, and neighborhood get-togethers.
11. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
12. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with."
13. You carry jumper cables in your car.
14. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
15. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
16. You plug your car in. And your car is not electric.
17. Air conditioning doesn't come as standard equipment in new cars, but snow tires do.
18. You'll attempt to help someone in a store, even though you don't work there.
19. When someone says "thank you", you answer "yep!".
20. You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.

Proof of Insanity

HOUSTON — A Texas death row inmate with a history of mental problems pulled out his only good eye, authorities said Friday.

Andre Thomas told officers he ate it.

Thomas, 25, was arrested for the fatal stabbings of his estranged wife, their young son and her 13-month-old daughter in March 2004. Their hearts also had been ripped out. He was convicted and condemned for the infant's death.

While in the Grayson County Jail in Sherman, Thomas similarly had plucked out his right eye before his trial later in 2004. A judge subsequently ruled he was competent to stand trial.

A death-row officer at the Polunsky Unit of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice found Thomas in his cell with blood on his face and had him taken to the unit infirmary.

"Thomas said he pulled out his eye and subsequently ingested it," agency spokesman Jason Clark said Friday.

Thomas was treated at East Texas Medical Center in Tyler after the Dec. 9 incident. Then he was transferred and remains at the Jester Unit, a prison psychiatric facility near Richmond southwest of Houston.

"He will finally be able to receive the mental health care that we had wanted and begged for from day 1," Bobbie Peterson-Cate, Thomas' trial attorney, told the Sherman Herald Democrat. "He is insane and mentally ill. It is exactly the same reason he pulled out the last one."

It's Winter In North Dakota

This goes out to all my friends in North and South Dakota, Minnesota, and Wisconsin.

It's winter in North Dakota
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love North Dakota
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave North Dakota
I'm frozen to the ground!

I Don't Have To Reuse My Catheter Any More!

I got your attention didn't I?

I've spent 2 weeks at home over the holidays just chillin'. My resolution to clean house top to bottom has gone by the wayside more or less. What I have been doing is watching a lot of mindless television. This time of the year there are lots of marathons of shows like Bridezilla, Top Chef, and Clean House. In between there are some of the most annoying commercials I've ever seen. No wonder I usually only watch shows I've TiVo'd.

Commercials I've seen over and over include:

1. My favorite. A company where you can get a new catheter every time you need one so you don't have to boil, dry, and reuse your old one. Those nasty urinary tract infections are gone at last.

2. Shamwow - come on people, chamois cloths have been around for years and years. And their spokesperson is worse than Billy Mays.

3. Oxiclean, and I actually use this product. Why does Billy Mays have to shout during all his commercials? I can hear ya just fine dude!

4. Stop snoring solutions - mouthguards, nasal strips, you name it. Lose weight - you'll stop snoring and avoid the two payments of $29.95 for the stupid mouthguard.

5. Acne solutions of any kind. Seeing pimples and pus is just gross.

6. Nutrisystem - do I really need to be reminded of how much I've eaten on vacation?

7. Any ad that is at the bottom of the screen DURING a TV program. Even worse are the ones the shrink the screen top to bottom so we can concentrate better on the ad we didn't want to view in the first place.

Here's to mid-January when new shows start up again!