Let the Sunshine In

One of my all-time favorite movies is Hair. I own the soundtrack, and have memorized the words to most of the songs. So when the Hair revival started on Broadway, I immediately wanted to go.

Last night I finally got my chance. One of my coworkers in town mentioned he wanted to see a show. I said "Hair"! He said sure, and I bought tickets. My friend had no idea what the play was about, but was familiar with a a couple of the songs. So at the end of Act 1 when the entire cast stripped completely naked, his eyes got very big. I clapped my hands in glee several times, both at the music and my friend's reaction.

What a fabulous night. The actors are all over the theatre, standing on top of chairs, teasing audience members, hugging strangers, and swinging from the balcony. They must be tremendous athletes, dancing and singing the entire show. And at the very end, during the cast encore, they invited the audience onto the stage to dance to "Let the Sunshine In". And my friend jumped up and ran up there. The only reason I didn't is because I had a big-ass purse and didn't want to look like a total doofus bringing it on stage.

After the show we decided to walk back to the hotel. Times Square was glittering under a clear winter sky, and the ball was up and lit in preparation for New Year's Eve. We walked up Fifth Avenue and admired the window displays, then on to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas Tree. Past St Patrick's cathedral we stopped at a street vendor and got lamb gyros, cooked fresh while we stood there. Delish! Then back to the Waldorf Astoria to do a couple of hours work, and off to bed. Magical.

Last week I went to dinner with a group of coworkers to Chinatown, followed by dessert in Little Italy. It was raining, so we negotiated with a stretch limo to take us back to the hotel. There were 9 of us, so it only cost us $6.00 each. Magical.

Tomorrow I fly back to Fort Worth to attend my group's Christmas party. Sunday afternoon I'll head back to the Big Apple until Christmas Eve. Then back again until New Year's Eve. Then back again until January 15th. Then back again until...well, you get the idea. I'm gonna be here awhile. Life could be worse.

First Week In New York

I'm on an extended assignment in New York City, doing something I've never done before in my career. I'm leading up a effort with Jetblue to test our systems end-to-end. My first day I had no clue - I didn't know the key players on either side, and most of the frantic e-mails I got made absolutely no sense to me.

But I made it through the first day, and the second day I had to give really bad news to Jetblue and ask them to make a decision. That's when I realized I was on my own. All of the leaders from my company had already left for the airport to go home for the weekend. There was a little shouting, but I'm happy to say that when they left the room there was laughter heard. We're all on the same team after all, and we all share the pain.

But this week has had a lot of "firsts". My first time taking the subway by myself, my first time walking up Madison Avenue and back down 5th Avenue, then down to the Helmsley building at Grand Central Station before going back to the hotel. I'm on my own this weekend, so I plan to catch up on work today and maybe see a Broadway musical tomorrow or go to Radio City Music Hall, where the annual Christmas show has started. Yesterday they were parading camels, sheep, and other assorted animals through Rockefeller Center, which is only 2 blocks from here.

During the week, I leave at sunrise, and I get home after dark, so I haven't been able to take any pictures. Today is rainy and cold, but tomorrow is supposed to be warm and sunny, so I'll try to get out and take some photos.

In the Waldorf Astoria lobby (where I'm staying), they are decking out the Park Avenue entrance with thousands of red roses. It smells so good! There is some big event tonight there, so they're closing the lobby for a few hours. Last night I saw men in Tuxedos wearing the Maltese Cross and women dressed to kill parading down the lobby. I felt like I had somehow been transported back to the 1930's or 1940's!

Getting What You Asked For, and the Ultra Secret Conspiracy That Felled a Gecko

What an eventful day I've had today! It's my last day in town before Thanksgiving, and I had a list of things a mile long to accomplish. My kitchen remodel continues - James the electrician came today, Roger from AT&T came to repair my phone jack, and Kevin the remodel supervisor removed several feet of drywall. There were some surprises today today - my house apparently has no insulation in the walls! At least I'll have insulation in the kitchen walls now when this is all done.

I was able to sweet-talk Roger into installing a new phone jack in my bedroom to replace the ones in the living room and kitchen that are old and keep breaking. I convinced him that it would save his company money in the long run, since they won't have to keep coming out to fix my jacks.

I also sweet-talked James into fixing a bad electrical outlet in my front room. It's surprising what people will do for you if you're nice to them, and well, just ask. Turns out Roger and James went to high school together, so they had a great chat.

When James fixed my outlet, he must have moved the couch, because I found a "historical treasure" laying next to the outlet.

Since I keep seeing those Geico commercials starring the gecko, I assume this isn't him. Unless there's a secret conspiracy to hide the fact that he disappeared and died under my couch!

Being Neighborly

I love the street I live on in Fort Worth, Texas. It's only a block long, so cars aren't zooming by unless they actually live there (or are lost). The houses were all built in the early 60's, and according to my 91 year old neighbor, this area used to be a squirrel hunting patch of country. The squirrels are still here in abundance - I guess once people stopped shooting at them they multiplied freely!

In preparation for my kitchen remodel, I parked my car on the street today so the workmen would have clear access through the garage to the garbage trailer. In order to use my car, I need to actually set foot outside and walk down my sloping front yard to get in. It's a beautiful day - 80 degrees and sunny. The leaves are falling, so there's a crunch underfoot. And the air has that clarity you only see in the Fall - like God has just finished cleaning the windows on the world.

The first time I had to go out to the car today I ran into Cliff, my 80-something next door neighbor doing his regular walk around the neighborhood. Cliff uses a cane, and is so hunched over I bet he knows every crack in the asphalt for blocks around. He fell a few days ago in his house, and the fire department and ambulance came to help him. Normally when we see an ambulance on our street it's for Joe across the street. Joe is a retired train engineer, and gets his oxygen tanks delivered weekly. He likes to get around outside on one of those motorized scooter chairs, and is often seen chasing his black and white dog down the street.

My second time out to the car I ran into another elderly neighbor out for his walk. I'm ashamed to admit I don't know his name, although I've seen him around since I moved here in 1996. We had a nice long chat. The neighbors all wonder where I am all the time - they know I travel a lot, and sometimes all they see of me is when I'm zooming into my garage. My neighbor was proud of the fact that most of the streets around here are named after the first homeowners, including his family. And he talked about the cemetery just down the street, which wasn't built until 1935 or so.

Speaking of the cemetery, it has an infamous resident. Lee Harvey Oswald is buried there. When I brought it up, my neighbor seemed uncomfortable talking about such a shameful memory, but he told me how to find the grave if I was interested. Not that I'm interested.

The house across the street is up for sale again. It's a real steal at $66,000. I wonder what's wrong with it? Then there's Fannie Mae (that's the owner's name, not a housing loan) next to that house. She's out most days raking her driveway. Raking driveways seems to be a favorite pastime for the elderly homeowners here. The sound of home is the sound of a metal rake on concrete. My 91 year old neighbor told me he still takes care of his own yard, and goes bowling on Wednesdays. Actually he said it's not really bowling anymore - he just drops the ball and hopes it makes it to the end. In response I told him that I was in assisted living. Someone assists me with the yard work, someone assists me with the house cleaning...

Next to Fannie Mae used to live Cecil. His wife died earlier this year, and now he's been moved into a home. I thought he was getting around just fine, but my neighbor friend said that he was moved there for "mental" reasons, whatever that means.

See what I've gained by going outside today? I've also gained a mosquito bite and two house flys, but who's counting?

There's a New Girl in Town!

Well not yet, but there will be a new, albeit temporary, resident of the Big Apple starting Tuesday.

I'm not the ambitious sort of career gal. I've done just fine sitting back waiting for the next good thing to happen. I've never had a clear goal in mind, just an idea that I'd like to be paid good money for doing fun stuff. And *poof*, just like that, it has always happened. Mind you, I've had months where I hated the people I worked with, hated the work environment, hated my life...but I never hated the job. How many people get paid to travel and meet exciting new people?

So once again it's happening. I was checking my Blackberry last night, and a frantic e-mail went out asking for a volunteer to coordinate a work effort. I'm a team player, so I said I would do anything if I was wanted. And I was! I was just sitting back waiting for good things to happen, and wouldn't ya know it, they did!

Busy, busy life right now. My kitchen remodel is (finally) going to start tomorrow morning. Knock on wood. The foreman did a walk-through today and dropped off a garbage trailer in preparation for the demolition. And I need to spend the next 4 days getting ready for my move to New York, especially in the fashion area. I am not Sex In The City ready by any means, so plan to spend the weekend at Macy's and Nordstroms. Wonder if they sell long underwear?

Tuesday I hop on a plane to LaGuardia airport, and get in a taxi to our lodgings - none other than the famous Waldorf=Astoria, inventor of the Waldorf Salad, Eggs Benedict, and the Rob Roy. I'll be living there until the night before Thanksgiving, when I'll fly back to Texas for a nice long weekend. Then I go back until December 18th before I go home for Christmas and New Years.

And just like magic, I'll have a new kitchen when I come home! Knock on wood.

How a Tree Ruined My Diet

If you remember my post from earlier in the year, there are very good reasons why you should eat your vegetables. because when you don't, they go bad in the fridge, and when you throw them all into the disposal at the same time, they have a tendency to clog up the sink.

So what does that have to do with ruining my diet, you may ask?

When the plumber unclogged my sink in January (in actuality, he unclogged the sewer pipe somewhere between my house and the street), he found tree roots. Uh oh.

So Monday, when my toilet clogged, I called the same plumbing company, who sent out a kid still wet behind the ears. He gave me an estimate of $800 to unclog said toilet. I laughed so hard at him he scurried himself to the curb and drove away without looking back.

I'm starting a kitchen remodel project, and there will be plumbing involved, so I called in a favor from my contractor. What's the name of the plumber? I called him, and, in my best southern voice, told him that his work on my remodel depended on whether or not he could give me a good deal on my toilet unclogging. You see, I can't afford $800 when I'm about to lay 20 grand down for the kitchen!

The plumber graciously came over on his lunch hour, removed the toilet, and found...wait for it...more tree roots. You see, my house was built in 1961, and back then sewer pipes were made of porous clay, and trees just can't help burrowing in search of good (albeit stinky) water supplies.

I paid the plumber $200.00 and felt very smug because I didn't have to pay $800.00. I felt very smug that is, until Tuesday, when the toilet clogged again. It cleared on its own, and I felt out of the woods. Until this morning, when it did it again. Not to get gross, and I know several men that are proud of clogging toilets with their prodigious dumps, but this was just a liquid affair, with minimal toilet paper involved.

So I called the plumber. Again. He couldn't make it out here until this evening, and since I'm working from home, I had to find other means of relieving myself. So I drove to the McDonalds just down the street. Nice, new bathrooms, with natural stone floors, and an interesting tile pattern on the walls. Very soothing.

But being who I was raised to be, I couldn't use the facilities without buying something. What would my mother say? So after admiring the Kohler faucets in the bathroom I headed to the counter and ordered a breakfast biscuit, complete with sausage, egg, and cheese.

Now you know how a tree ruined my diet.

Closet Case

I found a contractor I liked, and am going forth with a major kitchen remodel. Even though his team won't start the real work for two weeks, I've cleared out most of the cabinets and moved everything into the living room. Why so soon? Well, none of my appliances work, (except my microwave), so I can't cook much except for frozen meals or things made in a crockpot. And I figured it was a good time to go through everything and give unused items to charity anyway.

Once you get started, it's hard to stop. Today I went through my bedroom closet and filled 7 trash bags full of clothes, sheets, shoes, and purses. I hope The Paralyzed Vets like my sense of style, because it's all being donated to them. A couple of nice surprises while I was in there - I found my black iPod which I feared was lost a year ago, my old passport full of immigration stamps, and a silk billfold I bought somewhere in Asia a few years ago.

Tomorrow I think I'll tackle the bathroom. I think there might be a set of steam curlers way in the back somewhere that I KNOW the Paralyzed Vets will enjoy!

Enthusiastic Love

A tug on my hair in the middle of the night. I yell "go away!" and turn over to try to sleep again, even though I'm in the middle of a hot flash, and my chest is dripping sweat. I know that in a few minutes I'll be freezing cold and need the blankets again, so I won't sleep until then.

A few hours later, as I waver between the worlds of dreaming and wakefulness, I feel a tap on my cheek. I ignore it, hoping it will go away. Another tap, this time more insistent on my eyebrow.

"Maybe if I turn over he'll go away", I think. So I do, and slowly slip back into that sweet unconscious state known as sleep. Until I feel a wet cold nose on my chin, and know that a tongue is about to come out. I pull a sheet up over my face, but that's tugged away.

Before I even open my eyes I start to giggle. At the sound of that, I'm pounced upon. My hair is pulled, my chin is licked by a very scratchy tongue, and I have at least 10 pounds of extra weight on my body. When I finally open my eyes I see 4 of my cats all staring at me, all competing for my attention, and all so very very happy that I'm awake!

October

October has always been trying for me. It's my first month back in Texas after spending my summers with my family in Minnesota, so it's a little lonely, even though I have lots of friends here. My weekends no longer revolve around recipes that I can try out because I'm now cooking for one.

It's also the month of Doctor's appointments. My job has a wellness program, which goes from January 1 to October 31. I guess they think we don't do any preventive maintenance in November or December! My annual "well woman" exam is scheduled on the 24th. For you male readers, it's my opportunity to get a PAP smear, breast exam, and blood work done.

I went to see the Dentist this week for my semi-annual cleaning. That part went well. Then the doctor came in and discovered two more cavities. Sigh. She asked if I had any more concerns, and I made an off-hand remark about my crowned tooth on the lower left side never feeling right. Last summer I had horrible pain there, and saw three dentists, who all did x-rays and found nothing wrong. The final diagnosis was TMJ. I did my research, and employed massage techniques, which have made a big difference in the pain. The crown itself has been ground down several times, and it still feels too tall. That's all I told her. Really.

So she ordered x-rays...again. I don't do well with x-rays because I have an extraordinarily small mouth. Those that know me well would beg to differ, but there you go. The x-ray went fine; better than normal. The technician came in with good news and bad news. The x-ray turned out, but she x-rayed the wrong tooth. So round two with the x-rays. By this time I was itching to get out of the office - a 30 minute tooth cleaning had already turned into an hour and a half.

The technician came back with "that look" on her face. Now what, I thought.

"This time the x-ray was correct, and I'm sorry to say that you have an abscess and need a root canal."

I really empathize with people that avoid dentists for years. They're not really afraid of the pain, but they are afraid of the money it's going to cost them.

So tomorrow I'll make an appointment for a root canal. I've had two before, so I know that they're no big deal, especially with the endontist I use. And guess what...drum roll...I'm actually happy about it. This tooth has caused me nothing but problems since it was crowned. I knew something was wrong with it over a year ago. Maybe this will finally be an end to it.

So why not celebrate and spend even more money? My dishwasher hasn't worked well for more than a year, and I discovered that my oven was broke after I tried to heat up a frozen meal at 400 degrees and it was still frozen after 35 minutes. When I cook on the stove, I can't touch the metal edging or the burner covers because I'll get a nasty shock. I ordered all new appliances from Sears, then started really thinking about it. My kitchen is not functional. It doesn't have useable storage, hardly any countertop space, and appliances that don't work. So I went online to Lowes.com and used their kitchen design tool to design the kitchen of my dreams. Two contractors I've talked to say that they think it can be done for $20,000. A lot of money, but $20,000 will sure buy me a lot of happiness.

So I took out a loan, and I'm meeting with another contractor Friday. After I finally pay off the kitchen renovation, there are two bathrooms that need doing. The tiles are falling off of the vanity in one, and the other is all peach. Need I say more?

So October is stressful, and expensive. But in the end, is it worth it? Absolutely.

Summer's End

It's my last week in my Summer Palace for the year, and summer seemed to finally arrive the last couple of weekends.

The squirrels are back (where do they go?), and Blue Jays have started to disrupt the peace around here. They must be coming through on their migration down south. The chipmunks are madly gathering food for the winter, and soon will disappear underground to have their 2nd litter of the year. Today, a whole flock of wild turkeys marched through my backyard on their way to wherever they were headed.

Two weekends ago, many of the lake people had pulled out their docks for the season, and only a few fishermen were enjoying the gorgeous weather. We went to the "sandbar", which during the summer is covered with beached boats, kids, and dogs. This day it was empty except for its native residents - the gulls.

Changing Reality

We all have notions about what is real. And our perceptions of reality and potential outcomes to our actions make us behave in a certain way. Especially if we fear the outcome.

I used to live my life in fear when I was younger. I feared social situations because I was overweight and thought someone would make fun of me. I feared getting my oil changed because I thought that the mechanic would tell me that my oil was really dirty and I was a horrible car owner.

Seriously.

Instead of overcoming the fear, I changed my perception of reality. I wasn't a bad person just because I didn't my oil changed regularly. People liked me when I was fat the same as they did when I lost weight.

I took my niece to Chicago for her cousin's wedding over Labor Day weekend. It was her first plane ride, first trip to Chicago, and a lot of other "firsts". At the wedding dance, her girl cousins and I tried to get her to come on the dance floor with us. We had already worked up a sweat bopping the night away, most of the time without a dance partner. My niece said no, she didn't want to dance. As her cousins became more insistent, I saw that familiar fear in her eyes. I felt it before. I knew what was going through her mind.

"People will see me. I can't dance. I'll look stupid. Oh my God how am I going to get out of this?"

I took her hands and led her onto the floor, promising her that nobody was watching. After a few minutes, the fear in her eyes was replaced by wonder. Nobody WAS watching! Then the wonder was joined with pure joy. Letting go and dancing is an expression of great joy when nobody is watching. My niece changed her reality, which dissipated the fear.

Dance like no one is watching.
Love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live like it's heaven on earth.
-William Purkey

Flawed But Loved

Senator Edward Kennedy died late last night, and the news networks have been busily reporting on his life and his life's work. At dinner tonight my friend from Ireland asked the table why Teddy's death was so important. After a couple of replies, he said, "ah, so he's like American royalty then."

Teddy was the last of the brothers that included a president, a World War II hero, and a Attorney General assassinated before he could (possibly) win the presidency. He was also the only brother that died from natural causes.

But he is also known for his very public car accident at Chappaquiddick, where his car plunged into water, he fled the scene, and his passenger died. Later, he pled guilty and apologized for his actions, and let the citizens of Massachusetts decide whether or not they would allow him back to public service.

He was known for his work in the legislature, known for small acts of kindess, and also known for his drinking and carousing with women.

In the end then, he was like most of us - flawed; damaged by what life's blows have dealt. But in spite of everything, he was also greatly loved. Even those who didn't agree with his politics are celebrating his life and his work.

I wish only this for my own life. That I live fully, and that people love me in spite of my flaws. In the words of Teddy Kennedy when eulogizing his own brother Bobby:

"My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life; to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.

Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today, pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will some day come to pass for all the world. As he said many times, in many parts of this nation, to those he touched and who sought to touch him: 'Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.'"

30 Years

I swore a long time ago that I wouldn't go to a class reunion. I hated high school - I was so shy, wore glasses and had braces, and liked to read - all things that painted a target on my back that said "geek - please ignore".

I didn't go to my 10th, or my 20th (nobody even bothered to contact me for the 20th, and for the 10th, they asked me to come 2 days prior to the reunion). So when I heard about the 30th, I figured that no way wasw I going to subject myself to feeling like a geeky girl with braces and glasses again.

But I live an hour away from my home town now (during the summer), and I've changed so much since then. If I can charm a room full of Egyptians, or Greeks, or Canadiens, or Maltese, why can't I do the same for people I haven't seen for 30 years?

I spent all day Saturday getting ready. I colored my hair, put on fake nails, flattened my hair, and put on an outfit I last wore in Miami for a conference. I stopped by my brother's house to say hi and goodbye to my niece who was visiting, and the girls told me that my thong was showing through my white pants. Horrors.

So I went home and changed clothes (it was raining anyway, and my white pants would have been ruined). I drove an hour in the rain to my hometown, and arrived at my brother's house, where I would spend the night or not. I still thought that I would duck out early and drive back to the lake if I hated it.

I drove downtown to the park and searched for my classmates. I was clutching my senior class yearbook, thinking that maybe someone would recognize me. Once I found them, the game was on. I plastered the smile on my face, and said "nice to see you" so many times I thought I might die. Especially since I didn't recognize hardly anybody from their class pictures, which I had studied for several weeks before the event.

The boys - well, a lot of them lost their hair, and some gained a bit of weight. The girls though, they pretty much looked the same - hairstyles have changed, and some lost weight, or gained a couple of pounds from babies, but really, they looked the same.

And the cutest guy in the class? Well, he's still cute. He still has his hair, but it's gone all white now. He still has the build of the football player he once was, and has the scar on his arm from the sports-related accident he had our senior year.

We've lost one classmate to death, in a grain elevator accident. Another one might be in trouble with the law, but nobody has heard from him in a few years. Amongst my former classmates there was an accountant, finance director in a plastic manufacturing company, farmers, truck drivers, window manufacturing workers, housewives, teachers, and rancher.

Someone said that our class was nothing special, but that was okay. I beg to differ - almost all of us survived , and several of our classmates have had 20 or 30 year marriages, with kids and grandkids to show for it. And while no one was rich or famous, we all seemed happy...at least for one special night in the park 30 years after high school.

Challenged Chipmunk

This little chippy has been a frequent visitor to my deck, probably because I put food where he can get to it. I don't know how he lost the use of his back legs, although there seems to be marks in the middle of his back like something bit him. Every time I see him I'm amazed that a predator hasn't gotten him yet.

Hope and Faith

Late Monday night, I got the phone call that I've dreaded.

"I found one of your cats just laying there, and he's dead".

For 5 months of the year, I leave my house in Texas to come to my true home of Minnesota, leaving my 6 cats behind in the care of a competent, caring, pet sitter. 4 of the cats are over 11 years old, and were born in my bed (much to my surprise, because I didn't even know Grace, the mama cat, was pregnant). Blue Bell was the first kitten born that night - he was pure white, and would later get the Siamese marks his father probably had.

Grace had 4 kittens that night, but I moved out of her way after I saw Blue, and didn't see the rest of them until the next morning. The rest is history - I knew that I would have a hard time finding them all homes, and wasn't sure I could bear to part with them after they were weaned anyway.

All day Tuesday was gloomy, rainy, and all-around depressing. Everywhere I looked I found more sorrow. Intervention, a TV program I watch, featured a father of two that went to treatment only to find out he had cancer of the throat, and died 3 weeks after returning home.

I saw a chipmunk struggling towards the deck dragging a useless foot behind it. I'm still not sure if it was a result of a birth defect or an injury.

My air conditioning isn't working properly in Texas, and it's sure to cost a pretty penny when the repairman fixes it.

Late in the day yesterday, I was watching some TV program I had recorded, and the lead character said something like this: "Look for the bad and you'll find it. Look for the good and you'll find it too."

So this morning was chilly and rather gloomy too, and I woke up grieving for Blue. But as the day wore on, I noticed the chipmunk with the bad leg again, and he seemed to get around just fine. In fact, when I went out to see him, he ran so fast there's no way I would ever be able to catch him.

And a Mama and just-out-of-the-nest baby bird visited outside my window, and I got to watch Mama patiently open sunflower seeds and feed the nut inside to the baby, who was already bigger than she was.

The bunnies are cavorting again, which means more baby bunnies are on the way.

And the sun is back, the air smells sweet, and I'll have tomatoes in a couple of weeks.

Not perfect, but hopeful. Maybe that's all we have when we're deep in the caverns of sorrow, or loneliness, or depression. Hope that it will get better, and faith that it always does - if we only know to look for it.

Occupations

There are a lot of interesting people that come to the campground. Some have campers here, some just come to visit.

• The designer of the house in Minot built for a deserving family and shown on "Extreme Makeover Home Edition"
• Two martial arts instructors who have previously competed in the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship)
• A pediatrician, who runs TV ads on the local channels
• A couple of nurses (including a school nurse), a couple of hair dressers, and a daycare owner
• A dog groomer, formerly an IT professional
  
• A guy who used to maintain and fix crematoriums
• Owner of a deck building company
• Seller of farm equipment, and seller of insulation
• The owner of a motel
  
• Employee of the mapping company that does Google Maps (only the coolest thing ever)
• A fashion buyer
• A lawyer (my brother, who visits occasionally)
• The CEO of a hospital (my niece's husband), who is a paramedic on Life Flight as a hobby

Some people I wish I could meet:

• A professional chef
• A park ranger, or somebody that knows a lot about the wildlife around here
• An organic farmer
• A professional photographer
• The owner of a tree service company so I could get good firewood
• Someone with a house actually on the lake (preferably single, straight, and good-looking)

Riddle Me This

The bird is the mascot of a major league baseball team. The mammal is the University of Minnesota's mascot, even though they refuse to call it by its correct name.

What are they? Bonus points if you can tell me the true name of the mammal. Hint: this mammal is related to the chipmunk, and hibernates up to 250 days a year.

Funny Bunnies

I've been watching the cottontails this week. While others worry about them eating their garden, they don't seem to like mine. Last night I watched a bunny hop into the garden, sniff at the parsley and hop away. He found some bird food I had on the deck instead. I've also seen them eating dandelion stems, which is just fine with me, although now I question my intent to start spraying them with weed killer.

They make me laugh out loud with their antics. They chase each other around my backyard like crazy. Yesterday one turned to face the other on hind legs, and they had a jump-off. One would jump, then the other would jump. They looked a bit like fighting kangaroos. Here's what I found on this behavior:

Prior to mating, the male and female cottontails display courtship behaviors that are collectively called "cavorting". The patterns observed in cavorting can include a great deal of running, racing, hopping, and even actual fighting. Fragments of hide and hair are sometimes scattered over several acres as a result of this pre-mating behavior. It is thought that the selective advantage of this behavior is to weed out sick, less agile or less aggressive individuals from the reproductive pool. Mating can occur at any time during the warmer months of the year. Cavorting typically occurs at night.

I'm witness to the fact that cavorting at my house takes place during the day too.

Things I Know June 6, 2009

1. Anything will burn if enough gasoline is poured on it.

2. The Baltimore Oriole is one of the prettiest birds ever, and the Goldfinch is a close second.

3. Even the biggest, hottest campfire doesn't keep me warm when it's 40 degrees and windy.

4. Bacon makes almost anything taste better.

5. If you add a little water to browning hamburger, the chunks break up better.

6. There are more Canadian Geese in Minnesota then in Canada (okay, I don't really know this for sure, but it seems like it).

What's Gray and Black and White and Red All Over?

A Red-Bellied Woodpecker and a Gray Catbird!

The woodpecker has a chunk of orange in his mouth.

The catbird is supposedly secretive, but "Minnesota Nice" affects them up here, 'cuz they're all over the place this Spring.

The catbird mimics other bird calls, and sometime mews like a cat (hence its name).

Woody Woodpecker

This big guy was visiting me all morning. His real name is Pileated Woodpecker, but I like the name Woody better. He is the size of a large crow, and as a colleague says, "could scare the neighborhood cats".

Garbage Burning

I live in a campground during the summer, and I'm used to the smell of campfires on the weekends. But my neighbor continues to use his firepit as a way to dispose of whatever garbage he has around. Right now, he's burning TV trays - the kind with the metal legs and the formica fake wood style top. He's also burned plastic chairs and god knows what else in that firepit. To add insult to injury, he always starts his fire by pouring gasoline on it.

So I just reported him to the owner of the campground. He went over to look, and apparently approved some of it, because now my neighbor is pulling the metal legs out of the fire and only burning the fake wood tops. And the stand that the TV trays were stored in. Sigh.

Pride

Last night an old friend of my brothers came over for the night with his wife and 2 kids. Within 5 minutes he reminded me of the time in college he came to my dorm and I helped him with his English paper. Every time he's seen me since he gives me credit for his success today because of that one silly English paper. Of course I wasn't really responsible, but it's become a running joke between us.

He went on to finish school and work for a major airline in the finance department. After a few years he quit and became an entrepeneur, buying up land in our home town. Now he owns a service station (with his brothers), and a hotel complete with water park, restaurant, day care, bar, and fitness center out on the prairie outside of town.

Great things to be proud of. Not so many of our schoolmates went on to be so successful.

But do you know what he seemed most proud of? The fact that his two boys write well. His youngest dug through their packed mini-van looking for his schoolwork. When his mother asked why he was looking for schoolwork on a Saturday night, he blushed and said that he was looking for a sample of his writing to show Sandy.

I am so proud.

What You Can See in 30 Minutes

I took a 30-minute walk during lunch. It's amazing what I saw in just that short period of time. In the woods, the violets are blooming.

There is also a Bleeding Heart on the hill next to a bluebird house.

And in the bluebird house there lives a baby bluebird.

Walking a little further, I ran into a mama duck and 8 or 10 or her chicks parading around the campers. The chick at the end of the line had a hard time with gravel, and did more tumbling than walking I'm afraid. Up another hill and down again to the slough, where some firepits are still underwater.

Red Letter Day for Birds

Today is a cold, blustery day in Minnesota. But my day was brightened considerably when I spotted not only my first hummingbird of the season, but a Scarlet Tanager, which are rarely seen around here. Over the weekend the first chipmunk showed up to feast on the cobs of corn I put out for him.

And the lilacs are starting to bloom just down the road. I can't wait to go cut lilac blossoms in purple and white so that I can have a heavenly smelling camper for a week or so.

By the way, the term "red letter day" refers to the old custom of marking special church days in the calendar in red. Betcha you didn't know that!

32 Degrees

I woke to the Detroit Lakes radio station KRCQ telling me it was 32 degrees. This radio station is a hoot. It plays old style country music with lots of breaks for local news and weather. On Sundays at noon it's the Bob Becker Polka Party. My personal favorite is the John Deere Polka. The Galaxy Supper Club over in Barnesville usually has live polka bands on Sunday nights too.

After I got up to speed on the local news and weather, I staggered out into the living room and watched two geese casually strolling around my backyard. The geese have full run of the campground during the week - there's so little traffic that they can walk up and down the roads at will.

Before I started my work for the day, I browned some hamburger, cut up an onion and a green pepper, and started a batch of chili in the crockpot. Few people realize this, but chili is actually a good diet food. It's low in calories (mine has about 263 per serving), high in fiber (3 kinds of beans), and both fruit and vegetable servings (tomato is a fruit dontcha know). Plus, it freezes well.

Sandy's Chili

1 1/2 to 2 pounds of hamburger, ground chuck, or ground sirloin

29-32 oz. tomato sauce

1 onion, any type, diced

1 green or red pepper, diced

1 pkg chili seasoning (I used McCormick this time, but have used others before)

1 can regular Rotel (or hot if you like it extra spicy)

1 can (15 oz) pinto beans

1 can (15 oz) kidney beans

1 can (15 oz) ranch style beans

1 can (15 oz) stewed or diced tomatoes (I used diced just because I don't like the big chunks)

Salt and pepper to taste

Brown the hamburger. Dump all ingredients into a crock pot and cook on low at least 4 hours.

Yes. The Answer is Yes.

Goose Goose Duck

It was a goose kind of day, with a couple of mallards thrown in the mix.

Last up, here's the local crocodile peeking his head up.  Really, it's just a log, but it looks like a crocodile head doesn't it?

Camper City

Wildlife of the Day

First Weekend 2009

I'm finally unpacked, and the Summer Palace is reasonably clean. The slough across the road from me flooded this spring, and some of the campers have lost golf carts, barbeque grills, and shed contents.

There is evidence that the beavers have been busy this year too. There is more than one tree stump with that "sharpened pencil" look, indicating that a beaver or two got to it. There's also a fairly large tree near the edge of the swamp that is half-eaten. I think a good strong wind will blow it down.

Speaking of beavers, I was sitting here tonight enjoying the silence once most of the campers have gone home when I noticed movement out the corner of my eye. A beaver crept out from under my camper and waddled across the way to the next camper. Something startled him, because he ran back under my camper twice. I keep trying to get a picture of him, but so far no luck.

My next door neighbor is continuing his practice of burning garbage - last year I saw him burning plastic chairs in his firepit! I don't know what he threw on the fire this afternoon, but it sure is producing black smoke. Good thing the wind is going in the opposite direction.

The bluebirds have found the neighbor's bird house. They're so picky, they'll only nest in a specific type of house, but once they do they come back every year.

It got up to about 62 degrees this afternoon, so everywhere you saw shorts...and sweatshirts. It hovers just above freezing at night.

I enlarged my garden just a little bit today, and planted green onion seeds. The dirt here is so soft, and deep black in color. Even the grass is lovely - it doesn't spread underground like the nasty Bermuda grass I keep trying to get out of my garden in Texas.

The trees are bare, but they have buds. Within a week or so there will be green everywhere. The ice is off the lake, and a large flock of Pelicans enjoyed the day near the shore. Docks and boat lifts are being put out in preparation for the fishing season opener next weekend.

Last night we had the first campfire of the year. We huddled around the blazing fire in the rain passing chicken wings cooked on the grill. It felt like I had never left.

Summer Palace Journey

I left Fort Worth about 6:30 this morning, in the rain. By the time I hit Oklahoma, the weather cleared up for awhile. Here's a sunny scenic turnoff where yellow wildflowers were in bloom. Other than the flowers, I couldn't really figure out why it was a scenic turnout, although there were trash cans for my garbage!

Then I hit northern Oklahoma and Kansas, and the rain started again. The Kansas Turnpike in a thunderstorm is a glorious thing. If you're hearing sarcasm, you would be right.

The Kansas Turnpike is a long stretch of toll road where the only food is McDonalds. Yum.

But soon enough, the weather improved again, and I drove, and drove, and drove until I hit Sioux City, IA, where I decided to rest my feet for the night.

Gossip

So what is gossip?

"If people aren't talking about other people, it's a signal that something is wrong -- that we feel socially alienated or indifferent," says Ralph Rosnow, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Temple University.

But sometimes it crosses the line. In the following circumstances, the gossip has crossed the “acceptable” line and has morphed into something that can really hurt someone emotionally or practically (such as putting their job or marriage in jeopardy):

1. Exposing something that is supposed to be a secret
2. Lying about something
3. Saying something hurtful
4. Spreading a negative rumor
5. Saying something to be malicious, spiteful or vengeful

So what is it that makes ordinary people cross that line when they must know what the potential consequences are to the other person? Do they really think that the victim of their lies won't ever find out about it? Do they have that much hate in their heart, or is jealousy eating them alive?

Over the years I've been the target of malicious gossip several times. I've often wondered - is it karma for the times I've said something mean about someone else? Or is it meant to teach me how badly it can hurt the victim so that I don't ever again inflict that kind of pain on someone else?

In the words of Rodney King, "why can't we all just get along?"

Forgotten Seeds

Have you ever forgotten that you planted something until it came up in the Spring?

I picked up a cheap clematis at Walmart last year and planted the bulb next to the southern wall of my house. This morning, when I went out to look at my plants, listen to the trickling water of my pond, and collect my thoughts for the day, I noticed a big star-shaped flower on the ground that hadn't been there yesterday.

It was the clematis! I didn't put up a trellis for it, so it was trying to behave like groundcover and spread on the ground.

Much like my clematis, we do or say things every day that plant seeds. A kind word in an elevator can turn into someone rearranging priorities later on so you can deliver your project on time. Or gossip - it can spread just like Bermuda grass in the flower beds - its roots are so deep and they spread so far you can never really repair the damage it does.

Happy Easter and Joyous Passover

Why I Love My Home

(CNN) -- In Fargo, North Dakota, the word "destruction" is being spoken. The reference is to the potential power of the feared floodwaters.

But even if the outcome is as dire as the starkest of predictions -- even if the Red River overflows its banks to an extent and for a duration never before seen in Fargo -- the things that truly matter in town will not be destroyed.

Proof of that is evident. Once in a great while, a community has the opportunity to understand anew what that word -- "community" -- really means; once in a while, a town defines itself as a town. The week just past has been such a time for Fargo.

The people of the city, joined by volunteers from other cities in North Dakota, Minnesota and beyond, have done what they can do to shore up the levees and barricades, to put up whatever defense they can muster against the river. Neighbor standing next to neighbor, they have worked with those sandbags in the daylight and at night, in the cold and in the snow.

Our society has grown accustomed to assuming we can accomplish just about anything with the touch of a button, the movement of a cursor on a computer screen. That too-easy word -- "community" -- has become overused in its online context. All the so-called communities on the glowing screens, all the friends and friendships to be bestowed with the click of a mouse.

And then comes a moment when the essence of community, in its bedrock definition, is required, and we witness it as it unfolds, person by person, minute by minute.

They don't know in Fargo whether, in the end, they will have vanquished the river.
If you've ever been to that part of the upper Midwest, you are aware that self-sufficiency is one of the defining qualities of the lives the people lead. They have grown up knowing it has to be that way.

Most Americans seldom pass through North Dakota. The families who live there have long understood that when something important needs to be done, they'd better count on doing it themselves. There is a pride in that that, although not often expressed aloud, is part of the air itself.

The mayor, Dennis Walaker, speaking of the battle against the river, said, "we want to win this. We want to win this badly." Yet he was realistic. He told the people of Fargo, "I don't care how old you are. You've never seen anything like this in the Valley."

The instructions given to the residents by the city's elected leaders have, perhaps inadvertently, reflected both a faith in the localness that has always been the foundation of Fargo, yet also a need for faith in something more powerful, something about as far from local as can be.

It could be heard in the words of Tim Mahoney, a Fargo city commissioner. He asked volunteers to go to one of two places to help fill sandbags: to the Fargodome sports stadium or to the Assembly of God church.

In the 3½ years since the terrible hurricane hit New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast, there has been a phrase that has entered the language: a "Katrina moment." The way it usually is spoken is not meant to flatter; a Katrina moment, as a rule, refers to a failure by government to provide the necessary assistance at a moment of crisis.

But there are moments, and there are moments. Whatever Fargo may become in the months and years ahead, what has already taken place there as the river has risen will serve to define the spirit of the town for generations yet unborn.

We are told so often that the world has become borderless, that in a digital age, we're all citizens of a universe without geographic definition. On those computer keyboards of ours, or so we are asked to believe, we're all everywhere at once.

It's not true. Everyone is from somewhere solid and real, from a spot on a map; everyone was born into a community in the oldest sense of that word. In the community of Fargo this past week, as the residents have worked shoulder to shoulder to fight the river, they have learned the meaning of that all over again. But of course, being from Fargo, they never really forgot.

Hoping and Praying

My thoughts are with my home state this week where the people are showing their usual resiliancy and courage in the face of never before heard of flood levels.

My New Job - CEO

Embattled bank JPMorgan Chase, the recipient of $25 billion in TARP funds, is going ahead with a $138 million plan to buy two new luxury corporate jets and build "the premiere corporate aircraft hangar on the eastern seaboard" to house them. The new aircraft hanger will include a vegetable roof garden.

Since they're not buying more planes, only fancier planes, we should think this is a good idea?

The vegetable garden will attract birds, which will conveneniently be sucked into the new luxury corporate jet engines, so the cost can be justified by all the poultry and veggie dinners the executives will now get for free.

See - I can justify the decision, so I ought to be named CEO of a bailed out company!

Signs of Spring, Travel, and A Random Thought

There are signs of Spring everywhere in Texas. The blue bonnets have started to bloom on the roadsides, the wisteria is in full bloom, and my oak trees are starting their annual yucky green pollen shed.

I'm getting that illogical urge to start buying plants for the backyard I won't see all summer (since I'll move to Minnesota end of April). The temps are in the mid-70's, and just perfect for yardwork.




I've been traveling a fair bit this month. First up, Miami, where the weather was chilly and windy, I held a snake, and spent a week staying up way too late drinking with customers. There's a whole post about it further down.


6 days home, then off to Bangkok, where the weather was HOT and humid, I bought a beautiful sapphire bracelet, and spent a week staying up way too late drinking with customers.



Here, a customer from Belarus is trying to convince me to drink vodka with him. We were in Patpong, the red light district of Bangkok, sitting at an outdoor bar. It was at least midnight, and the temps were still in the 90's. You'll notice that my hair is curly - my flat iron didn't work, and I gave in to the curl all week.



Finally, on my way home to Texas I stopped in San Francisco, where the weather was just perfect, I never left the hotel except to go to meetings (and once for supper), and slept 14 hours Saturday night trying to recover from horrible jet lag.

Monday night I flew the last leg of my journey, and I came home to a clean house (thank you Alicia). My cats were happy to see me and well taken care of (thank you Kathi).

Natasha Richardson died from hitting her head on a bunny slope. I didn't die from hitting my head on a driveway slope. Go figure. That's my random thought.

Alicia's Story

Alicia grew up in the mountains of Guatemala - poor, but then, everyone was poor. Her parents were alcoholics and abusive, so she ran away at the age of 11 to the city.

The streets of Guatemala City weren't any better. Alicia faced incredible poverty, and was raped several times while just trying to survive. While she was gone her older brother and younger sister (Beto and Paula) escaped to the promised land of the United States. Beto went to work for a successfully lawn care company in Fort Worth, and Paula started cleaning houses, eventually starting her own family and running a successful business.

Alicia wasn't so lucky. After years on the street she met a man and started a family. Her husband beat her, but was good to the children. Her family had no idea where she was, and in 2001, they hired a detective to find her. Since so much time had passed, Alicia didn't trust the woman on the phone that said she was her sister. Many questions about her childhood later, Alicia admitted she was the girl that ran away from home at 11.

After having 5 children, Alicia escaped to the United States to join her brother and sister. She didn't speak a word of English, but attended ESL (English as a Second Language) classes 3 times a week. The same kind woman that helped her brother and sister also set Alicia up with house keeping clients, including me.

Tonight, I learned that Alicia's 11 year old daughter committed suicide by ingesting rat poison. She was involved with an 18 year old boy, and had been caught at a party - typical teenage things. She bought rat poison, went to a cemetery where her mother used to take her for picnics, wrote a goodbye note, and died an incredibly painful death.

When Alicia talked to her remaining children, they told her to stay where she was and not to come back. They were able to attend school now (school is not free past the 8th grade), they all had shoes to wear, and they were even able to buy soft drinks on their way to school sometimes. All because of the money Alicia was sending back for them. How could they possibly give that up? They were all very angry at their sister.

How can I possibly imagine any of this, with my 'privileged' upbringing in a country where I was so lucky to be born?

My heart hurts tonight.

South Beach Not For the Faint of Heart

I spent the last week in Miami for a conference, and although it was a work event, there was fun to be had as well.

Our first day we had lunch at the News Cafe on South Beach, where Ferrari's whiz by and tourists look lost. There are also a few snake handlers that make their living by walking around and having the tourists pay to have their picture taken. Since I was a tourist this day, I went for it.

This is Samantha, a baby albino reticulated python, whose owner is 'socializing' her for human contact. Of course he told me the socializing part after he put her around my neck. She really was a sweetheart - soft, warm, and strong. I could feel her muscles as she moved, and knew that she could crush me easily even though she was still just a baby.

Later that week I had the chance to hold an alligator, but figured I had pushed my luck enough for one week.

And, as you can see, my black eye is gone (well, almost gone - makeup helps), and I have cleverly combed my bangs to the side to hide what is still a sizable lump from my accident a month ago.

Next week another conference in Bangkok. I wonder what adventures await there?

Happy Valentine's Day

Once upon a time, the letters “FBI” could have stood for “full-blown infatuation,” as far as Laura Hinderaker was concerned.

While growing up in the 1940s and spending summers on Lake Melissa in Becker County, Minn., she set her heart on becoming an FBI agent.

In junior high, she wrote a report about her dream job and discovered to her disappointment that the FBI didn’t hire women as agents.

Well, she concluded in her report, if she couldn’t be an FBI agent, she’d marry one.

The years passed and she moved from the Midwest to the Indio, Calif., area in hopes of making it as a professional golfer.

To pay the bills, she started a welcome wagon business. One day, she called on the bride of an FBI agent and the two women became friends. It was some time around Valentine’s Day when her new friend got an idea.

“She said there is someone I want you to meet, he was in our wedding,” said Hinderaker, recalling how she was talked into going on a blind date 55 years ago.

Hinderaker’s new friend told her a little bit about the mystery man and then arranged for them to meet at the Riverside County Fair, where Hinderaker had a part-time job as the voice of Geraldine, the talking cow.

“Laura, having a microphone, started talking about me and my Minnesota roots. After that, we went out to dinner,” said Ted Hinderaker, the other half of the blind date.

Laura remembers the dinner and her first good look at Ted this way:
“I had a drink of some kind in my hand and this audible voice spoke to me and said, ‘That’s the man you’re going to marry,’ ’’ she recalled.

“I coughed – spewed everything out – and everyone said, ‘Are you all right?’

“I couldn’t tell ’em why I had done that, but that’s the story. And I did marry him,” said Laura, adding that her newly beloved failed to bolt when she immediately disclosed the premonition to him.

“It didn’t spook me,” agreed Ted, recalling his reaction.

“The next weekend,” Laura said, “he came down, because he was stationed in L.A., and he brought me a beautiful little pair of earrings, that I still have. And maybe that’s when he said, ‘OK.’ ’’

“I was struck,” Ted said. “It became very evident to me that I was in love with her, and we very quickly concluded we were going to be married, probably quite soon.”

His hunch was right.

They got hitched six months later.

But let’s back up a bit.

It was only after they decided to spend the rest of their lives together that Laura and Ted began getting to know each other.

In those first conversations, they discovered that when Laura was spending her summers on Lake Melissa, Ted was spending his at a cottage on Pelican Lake, just a few miles down the road.

They also learned that when Ted was a student at St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minn., he became friends with a woman named Audrey, whose family summered on Lake Melissa.

Audrey often pestered Ted that he should date a friend of hers from the lake.

Funny, Laura told Ted.

She had a friend named Audrey who felt strongly that Laura should date a boy she knew at St. Olaf.

“She (Audrey) had tried to set us up for several summers, but for whatever reason it never worked,” said Laura, adding she isn’t sure she ever learned the boy’s name.

That is until she proposed to him.

After getting married, Laura continued to play competitive golf until just before the birth of their third child.

The couple ultimately raised five kids.

A few years ago, the Hinderakers moved from California to Tucson, Ariz., to be close to two of their children.

Now they’re looking forward to August and their 55th wedding anniversary. The celebration will be in Detroit Lakes, Minn., where the nuptials took place.

“They say there are some marriages made in heaven. I don’t know. But it’s been a good life,” Laura said.

“Not perfect – nobody’s walking on the water,” she added, “but we have five wonderful children, five all-intact families. I think there was a little divine guidance there.”

All the kids have heard the story, according to Ted, who doesn’t know “if it was fate or what,” but feels he and Laura were destined to be together.

In case you’re wondering, when he wasn’t talking to cows and buying them earrings, Ted Hinderaker worked for the FBI.

Does Anybody Ever Really Look?

I've had this black eye/monster deformity for more than a week now. Every time I walk out in public I'm embarrassed, knowing I might have to explain one more time how I got my injury. Or defend myself against people who think I have an evil boyfriend that secretly hits me.

Sometimes, folks I work with that don't know what happened have seen me, made eye contact, said "hi, how are you", and spent several seconds without registering what I look like. When that happens I get real close to them, move my bangs aside and say, "how do you think I am?".

To be fair, one of the guys was someone I've known for years, and he's never looked north of my chest as long as I've known him. But two others talked to me for at least 15 seconds without even registering what was wrong!

I know I'm as guilty as the rest - we look at people without really seeing them all day every day. It made me wonder how little we also hear, or how little we feel when touched. We're all in our own little complicated world, and sometimes our reality doesn't mesh with what's in front of us.

I want to do a better job of really seeing, really hearing, really feeling what people have to say. It won't be easy - in fact I wonder if it can be done.

Just another lesson my experience has taught me.

And, don't forget to eat your vegetables!

Day of Judgement

Since I can finally open my left eye, I ventured out to the grocery store today. Since it is Super Bowl Sunday, I bought some beer (I don't plan on watching the game; only drinking the beer). A lady saw the beer in my cart and asked if it was good. I turned to answer her, and then she saw my face. Her eyes got big and she looked away quickly.

I told her that I fell on my driveway, and this is what she had to say to me.

"Honey, I'm not here to judge anybody - I accept people in all sorts of situations".

I thought about showing her my scraped up hands as proof, but all that would prove is that I FOUGHT BACK!

I think I'll just wait for the calls from the local domestic violence shelter and accept their offers of counseling.

Yet Another Reason to Eat Your Vegetables!

Some of the leftover food from my fridge went into my trash. My trash got full. Thursday is trash day. Thursday morning was also icy.

I woke up and thought, "if I don't get my trash to the curb this morning I'll have stinky leftover vegetables in my garage for another week". So I threw on a t-shirt and sweat pants, put on my tennies, and went to the garage to get the trash.

My driveway is very steep. It looked wet, but not icy until I stepped onto it. Holding on to two big containers on wheels (I also have a recycling cart), I started sliding down the slope.

"This is kind of fun", I thought, until I started going faster.

"This won't end well" was the final thought I had when I hit the dry patch at the end of the driveway and went flying face first into the concrete. I felt my head hit right above my left eye and bounce back up. The trash carts went flying and tipped their contents everywhere.

My first thought was how embarrassing this was...and did the neighbors see? Then I realized how hard I hit my head and hoped the neighbors saw. I gingerly got up, put the trash back into the carts, and limped back inside. I already had a goose egg the size of my fist above my left eye, and I was bleeding from two abrasions on my hands.

Knowing I couldn't get my car out of the garage and down the icy driveway, and also knowing that I might have a head injury, I decided to call 911 for an ambulance. Minutes later an ambulance and fire truck showed up at my curb, and about 10 of the cutest men ever came inside. Dang, I only bumped my head!

Their words for my injury were "impressive", and "huge goose egg". So I got to ride in the back of an ambulance for only the second time of my life. The ambulance attendant dressed my big scrape on my left hand, and told me that this was an unusual call for him. I asked him why, and he said that if had a head that looked like mine he'd be crying. Growing up in North Dakota, I guessed I learned to be stoic. Yes, my head hurt, and my hand hurt, but it could be worse dontcha know.

Almost four hours were spent at the hospital, where they did a CAT scan of my head (I am now able to offer proof that I have a brain), put neosporin on my scrapes and cuts, and mostly ignored me. After the doctor discharged me, the nurse seemed to actually see me (she mostly just asked me a lot of questions before then). She called my bump "humongous" and said "gee, that must really hurt".

The taxi driver that took me home didn't look at my face until I was almost home. The pharmacy people never did look at me. Or if they did, they pretended not to see the disfigured left side of my face.

So, in conclusion, if I had eaten my vegetables instead of throwing them away, my trash wouldn't have so full and I wouldn't have been so compelled to put it out, and I would be able to see out of two eyes tonight, instead of one (the other is swollen shut).

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!

Why You Should Eat Your Vegetables

It all started innocently enough. I cleaned out the fridge and poured leftover vegetable soup, leftover steamed veggies, and old fresh veggies into the disposal. The disposal whirred away, sending my vitamins and minerals through the pipes into the sewer system.

But then it happened. The ground up vegetables and water started to back up into my other sink. Good thing I still had that bottle of drain opener under the sink!

2 1/2 bottles of drain opener, strained muscles from using the plunger, a trip to Home Depot, and 24 hours later I finally called the plumber.

My plumber is not a "glass half full" kind of guy. Before he even looked at the sink he told me that if he had to climb on my roof it was going to cost me a lot of money. My vast knowledge of plumbing came in handy when I assured him that the clog was below the sink, not on the roof.

He took apart one area of pipe - no clog. Then another. Nothing.

I was starting to wonder if my home insurance covered a fall from a slippery roof when the plumber said "eureka". There it was - Big Bertha, hiding in the pipe right before it escaped outside the house (and to the roof?).

The plumber got his handy snake thingy out and went digging to see how far the clog went. When it finally came out, he mumbled "oh oh".

"What", I said.

"You have tree roots in your pipes", he said.

"That's bad, isn't it".

"Yep."

I told him I would take care of it eventually (I hope not), and please tell me how much I owe.

"$260.00, ma'am."

Feeling lucky, I paid the man and sent him on his way.

My dishwasher is hooked up to the same water lines as the sinks, and I started it. Guess what - all those chemicals I poured into the sinks got into the dishwasher too. And they have a CONSIDERABLE amount of detergent in them. I felt like I was in a sitcom throwing paper towels on the floor to catch the suds pouring out of the dishwasher.

While cleaning up that mess I moved the cart holding the microwave (and my cookbooks) to the side. Now I had cookbooks falling to the floor, into the suds from the dishwasher, the suds caused from the chemicals I used to clear up a clog, all because I didn't eat my vegetables.

Dream State

Since last summer, I've been taking 5-HTP, which has really helped with my mood during the day, and my sleep at night. One of the ways I know that it helps my sleep is the incredibly vivid dreams I experience every night.

Last night I dreamt about being chased by a big gray bear the size of Godzilla. I kept climbing up poles, only to be caught with the bear's big claws and dragged earthward. A couple of times I made it to the top - about 20 stories above the ground, hanging on just a telephone pole. One time in the dream my weight made the pole fall over. I was chased over and over again, and caught over and over again, only to start running again. When I finally thought I was safe, the bear showed up again. The last time, paralyzed with fear, I waited to die. To my amazement, the bear tossed a pork roast in front of me, and then rolled on the ground playfully. He just wanted to give me food!

Then I noticed the giant white panther stalking me...

The best I can figure, this dream is about my career. I'm afraid to move up, afraid I'm not doing a good job, just plain afraid. But when I confront my fears, they disappear and actually turn out to be gifts.

I'm not so sure I want to deal with the giant white panther though...

Seventy One Thousand Four Hundred

71,400. That's the number of people who lost their job today.

The Chinese year of the Ox has begun. Chinese soothsayers see a deepening recession, millions more losing their jobs, and stocks and home prices continuing to fall. That's more or less in line with what some economists are predicting, but some fortunetellers are throwing in other dire predictions — massive earthquakes, rising U.S.-Russian tensions and trouble for President Barack Obama.

Obama, born in the Year of the Ox, is taking office in a particularly bad year for his Chinese astrological sign. The ox sign is in direct conflict this year with a traditional Chinese divinity called the "God of Year," considered a bad omen. Obama also is the 44th president, a number the Chinese deem extremely unlucky, because "four" is pronounced the same as "death" in Chinese.

"The new U.S. president is not having good luck this year. His honeymoon will only be short-lived," said fortuneteller Alion Yeo, predicting Obama may even face impeachment in his first year in office. "The Year of the Ox looks slightly better and less dire than last year, but it will still be bumpy."

The Law of Attraction says you get what you put out into the universe. I'm putting out hope, faith, and a dream for a brighter future.

How to Tell if You're in Texas

1. Your storage unit comes with a few dead scorpions and a live 10-inch centipede.

2. In every gas station you will hear blaring love-sick cowboy western music over the speakers.

3. If you stop in any small town McDonald's, you will find at least one really old farmer in a cowboy hat. He might even tip his hat to you if you don't look like you just drove in from New York or California.

4. You see about 90% more Texas flags than you do American flags.

5. Everything is bigger and better.

6. THE MEXICAN FOOD ROCKS!!!!

7. There isn't a restaurant that doesn't serve jalapeños as a condiment.

8. Everybody says, "Howdy" (the informal version of "Hi") as a greeting. What else would you expect of the "Friendship State"?

9. It takes at least an hour to get anywhere you are going (and not necessarily because of traffic). If you go "a ways", you might be talking about a 3-4 hour drive (such as between Houston and Austin or Dallas and Houston).

10. If you break down, it only takes about five minutes and an ex-marine wearing a cowboy hat and driving a "Superduty, fully-loaded 350 Big Dooley" will arrive on the scene with a tow chain to assist you. He won't let you pay him for his help, either.

11. You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

12. You dress up to go shopping at the mall.

13. Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet up in the air.

14. You know that there are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no ones seen before.

15. You know that Possums will eat anything.

16. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

17. Fixinto is one word.

18. A carbonated soft drink isnt a soda, cola, or pop .. its a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. You think that Dr. Pepper is the best damn coke in the world.

19. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

20. You can drive all day and not leave the state.

How to Know if You're From Minnesota or North Dakota

1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. "Vacation" means going to Valleyfair.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. You call it "Pop" - not soda, and not Coke.
7. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
8. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
9. You know an "off-sale" is.
10. You bring a hot dish to funerals, church suppers, and neighborhood get-togethers.
11. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
12. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with."
13. You carry jumper cables in your car.
14. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
15. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
16. You plug your car in. And your car is not electric.
17. Air conditioning doesn't come as standard equipment in new cars, but snow tires do.
18. You'll attempt to help someone in a store, even though you don't work there.
19. When someone says "thank you", you answer "yep!".
20. You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.

Proof of Insanity

HOUSTON — A Texas death row inmate with a history of mental problems pulled out his only good eye, authorities said Friday.

Andre Thomas told officers he ate it.

Thomas, 25, was arrested for the fatal stabbings of his estranged wife, their young son and her 13-month-old daughter in March 2004. Their hearts also had been ripped out. He was convicted and condemned for the infant's death.

While in the Grayson County Jail in Sherman, Thomas similarly had plucked out his right eye before his trial later in 2004. A judge subsequently ruled he was competent to stand trial.

A death-row officer at the Polunsky Unit of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice found Thomas in his cell with blood on his face and had him taken to the unit infirmary.

"Thomas said he pulled out his eye and subsequently ingested it," agency spokesman Jason Clark said Friday.

Thomas was treated at East Texas Medical Center in Tyler after the Dec. 9 incident. Then he was transferred and remains at the Jester Unit, a prison psychiatric facility near Richmond southwest of Houston.

"He will finally be able to receive the mental health care that we had wanted and begged for from day 1," Bobbie Peterson-Cate, Thomas' trial attorney, told the Sherman Herald Democrat. "He is insane and mentally ill. It is exactly the same reason he pulled out the last one."

It's Winter In North Dakota

This goes out to all my friends in North and South Dakota, Minnesota, and Wisconsin.

It's winter in North Dakota
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love North Dakota
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave North Dakota
I'm frozen to the ground!

I Don't Have To Reuse My Catheter Any More!

I got your attention didn't I?

I've spent 2 weeks at home over the holidays just chillin'. My resolution to clean house top to bottom has gone by the wayside more or less. What I have been doing is watching a lot of mindless television. This time of the year there are lots of marathons of shows like Bridezilla, Top Chef, and Clean House. In between there are some of the most annoying commercials I've ever seen. No wonder I usually only watch shows I've TiVo'd.

Commercials I've seen over and over include:

1. My favorite. A company where you can get a new catheter every time you need one so you don't have to boil, dry, and reuse your old one. Those nasty urinary tract infections are gone at last.

2. Shamwow - come on people, chamois cloths have been around for years and years. And their spokesperson is worse than Billy Mays.

3. Oxiclean, and I actually use this product. Why does Billy Mays have to shout during all his commercials? I can hear ya just fine dude!

4. Stop snoring solutions - mouthguards, nasal strips, you name it. Lose weight - you'll stop snoring and avoid the two payments of $29.95 for the stupid mouthguard.

5. Acne solutions of any kind. Seeing pimples and pus is just gross.

6. Nutrisystem - do I really need to be reminded of how much I've eaten on vacation?

7. Any ad that is at the bottom of the screen DURING a TV program. Even worse are the ones the shrink the screen top to bottom so we can concentrate better on the ad we didn't want to view in the first place.

Here's to mid-January when new shows start up again!