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Friday, May 7, 2010

Just When You Think It's Over and Done With

About 10 days ago I had to say goodbye to my cat Scottie Sunshine.  A gorgeous long-haired tuxedo cat, Scottie would trot after me everywhere with his tail held high.  I could feel his happy grin with that tail, and knew he was playing with me when he'd walk in front of me and suddenly stop dead in his tracks. 

But for the last few months, Scottie was losing weight and coughing a lot.  I knew something was wrong, and 10 days ago Scottie started breathing funny, wheezing and panting.  Being Sunday, I took him to a clinic open every day, 24 hours a day.  $700 worth of x-rays and blood work later, I found that he had cancer all throughout his body, and the top of his mouth was being eaten away by the evil stuff. 

The poor vet was young, and when I asked her through my tears if it was time, she paused and said, "maybe you could take him home tonight and bring him back tomorrow".  I knew she was telling me there was no hope, and there was no way I was going to put Scottie through this stress again.  He had already buried his claw in the back of the vet tech's hand and had to be put to sleep just to get his blood.

I was led into a back room, where Scottie was asleep with a gas mask over his nose and an IV in his paw.  I told him he was a good cat and that I loved him.  I kissed his head and with my hand on his side, the doctor administered the fatal dosage.  He breathed one more time, and I felt him go. 

I felt such relief when he left - so much so I was able to tell the doctor about his life and the other cats that live with me.  I signed the papers releasing his body, paid the bill, and left with an empty cat carrier.

Since then I've done okay - grief comes in waves, and sometimes I wouldn't know when it would hit. 

I drove to my Summer Palace and arrived yesterday afternoon.  Today, I collected my mail, and there was a letter from Faithful Friends, a local pet cemetery and crematory.  They offered their sincere condolences, and enclosed his death certificate, along with two pamphlets on how to deal with the death of a family pet.  That wave of grief came crashing down on me again, and I have yet to make it past the first sentence of the first pamphlet.  But I will read them, and I'm so grateful that Scottie was taken care of by such caring people.

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