Gratitude Isn't Always Easy

I'm big on gratitude; I think that taking a little time every day or several times a day to be thankful does a lot of things, including relaxing your body, making you more present, and keeping you in a more positive state of mind.

Some days it's hard to feel grateful; yesterday was one of those days.  Delilah, my one year old cat, had to be put to sleep.  Her kidneys failed her, and although we spent a week on intensive treatment, we couldn't help her.

Delilah spent almost a year at the animal shelter in a cage, let out only once a day for a few minutes.  I had adopted her sister Maggie, and her other siblings had been adopted many months before.  When I volunteered there and let her out, she would cling to me with all her might and rub her face frantically on my cheek.  I coined the term "aggressively affectionate" for her, since I'd walk out with marks on my shoulders from her claws digging in to me.  But I couldn't adopt her because I had a terminally ill kitten (Meep) at home.

When Meep died in March, I brought Delilah home.  She fit right in with the rest of the kittens, and after a couple of weeks didn't cling to desperately to me.  Last week her health declined rapidly, and after 2 days hospitalized, a week of me giving her subcutaneous fluids and meds, and praying, she didn't get any better, but instead got worse.  So I had to make the decision to end her suffering.

I had also injured my back Saturday, so I was in physical pain as well as emotional pain.  So I had to think hard about what to grateful for.  Saturday I received a card at the shelter that had sat on someone's desk since March.  A lady in Minneapolis had read this blog about Meep's death and wanted to express her sadness.  I was grateful.  Last week a friend in Minneapolis read my frantic Facebook posts about Delilah and sent me a check for $100 (which will be donated to The Marshmallow Foundation.  Their antique washing machine has finally quit working, and there's a used washing machine on Craigslist that we're trying to buy, for, you guessed it - $100.

Maggie, Leo, and Fancy are all healthy and happy.  I am grateful.  And I am grateful for Delilah, who taught me that loves sometimes means saying goodbye.