The Big C

My mammograms have rarely gone smoothly.  I have "dense" breasts, which means they can't really see what they should.  I've had to go back many years for more pictures, ultrasounds, and even a biopsy on my right breast.  It's just one of those things I have dealt with...no big deal.

This time felt different from the very start.  It started the same way...more pictures, followed by an ultrasound, then a biopsy, this time of the left breast.  All completely painless, but the look on the radiologist's face told me volumes.  So I was prepared when he called two days later with the biopsy pathology report. 

"It's unfortunately cancer", he said.  "The most common type - Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, and it's small - about 4.5 mm.  You'll need to meet with a surgeon and oncologist to talk about options, but they will likely tell you either a lumpectomy with radiation, or a total mastectomy without further treatment".

Did I tell you that the phone call came when I was at work, and that I have to smile and actually talk to people?  I'm not sure I remember the next few patients I registered - I felt like I was having tunnel vision, and in a vast echo chamber where I could hear, but it all sounded so far away.  Once it slowed down a bit, the nurse and provider surrounded me with hugs and advice...should I have reconstructive surgery?  Who is the best plastic surgeon in the area?  And look at the great tattoos I can get to cover any scarring!


The good news is that surgery can be done here in my small town hospital.  The bad news is that if I choose a lumpectomy, the radiation treatment is an hour away.  And treatment is 5 days a week, up to 16 weeks.  The prognosis is good, and about the same with either option I choose.  If insurance covers it, I'm leaning toward total mastectomy...of both breasts.  I've never been a girly girl, and am not defined by my extra female bits.  I wonder if it means that I can go shirtless in the summertime?  When I first started developing, I was so mad at my Mom for making me put a shirt on around the boys.  Didn't seem fair to me, when they got to run through sprinklers bare chested.

So many questions to answer.  I feel like I'm back in school again, learning a new subject that I better know backwards and forwards 'cuz there will be a final exam.  Have no doubt - I will ace the exam.